Yankius on The National Cake

Windfall: Yankiokwa! Yankiokwa!!! Anytime you are this quiet we know you are up to something. How is you, Boss?

Yankius: Windokwa! The Windfall maker himself! Your potbelly has dwindled seriously. Is everything okay?

Windfall: Leave my stomach alone. I am curious. That bakery where the National Cake is being baked does still exist?

Yankius: The National Cake is crude oil. It still exists only nobody really wants it anymore. At least not for now.

Windfall: How can crude oil be the National Cake? Crude oil is a fossil fuel. Why do you have to be figurative about everything? Can you not just call cake what it is?

Yankius: In that case I will not talk any further about the National Cake. Continue reading

Yankius on Nigeria’s Looming Collapse

Deadly Cuts: O Pally, I am so scared for Nigeria at the moment. It is more than tragic what is happening.

Yankius: Corona virus is…

Deadly Cuts: Who is talking about Covid-19? It was bound to devastate Africa especially Nigeria one day. I was talking about the potential economic and political collapse of Nigeria now that oyel no longer has any value on the global markets. Hungry go wire Nigerians O!

Yankius: Oyel! Ha ha ha! All the trillions of dollars Nigeria made from oyel openly and solid minerals secretly was never treated as anything other the personal “kpoke”.

Deadly Cuts: What is kpoke?

Yankius: Pocket money. Money for luxury housing, luxury cars, private jets, designer clothing, luxury tourism, maintaining girlfriends and concubines, hosting grand parties, spraying obscene amounts of foreign currency. It was all pocket money, kpoke. It was never invested; all investments were funded by loans. Now Nigeria cannot service the over$100 billion it owes. Continue reading

Paramole Returns on His Birthday

 

Saturday the 25th of April 2020 was cold and blank in the Davy Jones Locker. A few sailors had passed through the rendezvous to the other side after becoming victims to Covid-19 and other causes but this Saturday there were no forgone sailors arriving. For the first time in my experience there, a special case of forgone reversal occurred. The Great Door had open and solemn song could be heard accompanied by restrained okombo [drum] beats. I became very concerned and might have tricked myself I was not scared. The Great Door only opened when a sailor was about to cross the Great Gangway. Why had it opened without a forgone arrival? I began to hear footsteps, they got closer and a man emerged, Paramole himself. About 7 feet away from me he stopped. His face was listless. I was frozen all over with amazement and he did not seem happy to see me where I was.

Saturday the 25th of April 2020, was his birthday; Paramole a.k.a. Ayo Odebisi would have been 64 years old. Due to my proclivity for formality, I first wished him, “Happy Birthday.” I wanted to hug him but he stopped me by firmly saying, “Don’t!” “Because I passed on you left the fold, he queried. I said nothing. “And because I passed on the fold is splintering asunder”, he added. This time I responded, “that is true.” “I know you have a lot to say about that. But I don’t want to hear it. You and your crapious Association, how dare you!” I said nothing. Continue reading

Corruption is the New Meaning of Life: It Is Here to Guide Us

Corruption is here in the world to stay and entrench itself deeper. That is our biggest contemporary reality in times of peace and not in an emergency. It is even legal. Corruption has paved the way for unnecessary wars, unrest, pestilence and systemic failures; many brand such as unexpected contingencies. “Things happen”, we are persuaded, as if they occur without much-calculated assistance. Without entrenched predatory corruption, there would be much fewer preventable disasters and crises in the world. The Covid-19 pandemic has inadvertently exposed more corruption than is usually seen by the average person. The backing ideologies and consequences of corruption have become more visible. the entire media, justice system and civil services could never offer the people such a view in corruption.

Corruption is no longer about the good guys and the bad guys; it is now only about the good guys and the Overseer. Try spotting the difference, the bet is you cannot. All the tax-evaders, tax-credit racketeers, interest-free loan enjoyers, subsidy extorters, funds privatisers, military spending dependants, stock inflators, bailout mongers, bad loans merchants, crisis manufacturers, cutthroat speculators, master hoarders, vulture creditors are now the good guys. They are the very best guys in society. They are geniuses, masters of nations, masters of the universe, invincible, philanthropic, charismatic and have hearts as good as gold. It is the finest irony ever manifest on the planet.

Continue reading

Sapele’s Female Druggies and their Babies

 

Imagine a baby just a few days or old. He or she has been crying for food endlessly but nothing is on offer. There is no money for baby food, so the mother has to feed the child with her breast’s milk. How ever, the delay that kept the baby hungry was because she taking time to inject, swallow or smoke drugs. The baby’s nourishment from the mother’s breast may be laced with varying concentrations of drugs. That is the baby’s meal and survival. We are not even talking about how well-fed the mother is, the child’s immunity, health and treatment if it falls ill, the environment the mother and child lives, hopes of a better life and so forth. One may further ask if the child is the only one, or the second or third or if another one is on the way? Look at the photo above and you can see a mother simultaneously smoking marijuana and feeding her baby. It is happening in Sapele, Delta State like in many other towns and cities in Nigeria, particularly the slum areas, but the usual denial by many Nigeria is that the photo was taken in South Africa, Gabon or Chad. Drugs are not just destroying a generation of youths, it is already destroying their babies.
The youth drug problem now evident in Sapele and elsewhere in Nigeria is no longer hidden to everyday people but is still hidden from Nigerian politicians, it might seem. Continue reading

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