Yankius: Stingy & Generous Politics
Penny Wise: O Yank! How come we don’t hear from you anymore? Don’t you have a candidate you support? I support Obi.
Yankius: I am not interested.
Penny Wise: In that case I have only one simple question for you.
Yankius: Go ahead.
Penny Wise: So many commentators even clergymen sworn to poverty are complaining that Peter Obi is too stingy with money. What is your take on that?
Yankius: (Laughter of a onekindish nature takes him over.)
Penny Wise: Why are you laughing like Lafiaji?
Yankius: Britain, a very stingy country colonised Nigeria. We speak English, practice British culture, think British thoughts, and spend most of our wealth in Britain. Our serving and former generals, ambassadors, millionaires, reps, senators, and celebrities travel on London buses, walk around freely without fear of harassment or kidnap, act like ordinary people etc. when they visit Britain. You even see them in OK Jass markets and queuing up in Soho. The stinginess is working for Britain wellemly. Stingy politics. Meanwhile, Great Britain gave you your nomina, “Penny Wise, Pound Foolish.”
Penny Wise: Your points is?
Yankius: I have not finished. Nigeria is a very generous country. No jobs for the majority, no security for more than 2,000 out of 200 million citizens, no constant electricity unless generators, fuel prices induce violence, no tap water and boreholes supply shit water for drinking, education has been shoved into hell by cannibals, Jakpa syndrome is draining our best brains to foreign lands even Rwanda and Greenland. The wickedest one is Naira has now been privatised and sold on the market for high fees on the market. Who spend spend help?
Penny Wise: You guys too like to compare. But I get what you are saying. I even came to rag N2,000 from you.
Yankius: This is not a “You no dey see your mate matter?” My point as you asked is how has gbinikakous spending helped Nigeria? Let us even call it generous spending. We had so much money Gowon said Nigeria did not know what to do with. We sponsored African Games, FESTAC, African students, fought Apartheid, sponsored ECOMOG.
Politicians sponsor Hajj to Mecca, Jerusalem Pilgrims to Israel, spend billions on campaigns, give pastors and priests millions, settle Elder Statesmen, share food and household items for votes, build government establishments in their hometowns, send their kids overseas, spray dollars at parties. Okonjo-Iweala even tell us say Nigerian politicians in power no gree save for Nigeria. Ole! We need to save at least 25 percent of GDP yearly to grow our economy well.
What good has spend spend done for Nigeria?
Penny Wise: Why bring in this heavy logic for a simple matter, eh? Feature me the money and let me go.
Yankius: That N2,000 you came for, you will have to pay N500 to collect it. See my POS machine here.
Penny Wise: I shake my head. Upon all that grammar you dey speak, you self dey sell Naira.
Yankius: I have never been stingy with words. Your account details please.
All Guys Dey
State of the nation.