Yankius on Nigeria’s Looming Collapse
Deadly Cuts: O Pally, I am so scared for Nigeria at the moment. It is more than tragic what is happening.
Yankius: Corona virus is…
Deadly Cuts: Who is talking about Covid-19? It was bound to devastate Africa, especially Nigeria, one day. I was talking about the potential economic and political collapse of Nigeria now that oyel no longer has any value on the global markets. Hungry go wire Nigerians O!
Yankius: Oyel! Ha ha ha! All the trillions of dollars Nigeria made from oyel openly and solid minerals secretly was never treated as anything other the personal “kpoke”.
Deadly Cuts: What is kpoke?
Yankius: Pocket money. Money for luxury housing, luxury cars, private jets, designer clothing, luxury tourism, maintaining girlfriends and concubines, hosting grand parties, spraying obscene amounts of foreign currency. It was all pocket money, kpoke. It was never invested; loans funded all investments. Now Nigeria cannot service the over$100 billion it owes.
Deadly Cuts: I shed tears for Nigeria. I read the Oransaye Report today. Buhari has followed it to the tee, meaning they will cut many government agencies to reduce the costs of governance.
Yankius: Liars the cutting of agencies is to reduce the cost of corruption. When has Nigeria ever had effective governance that provided public goods that served the interests of the masses or its national security? Even if the presidency, the legislature and judiciary are cut out of existence, everyday Nigerians will not notice a difference – they will only hear it in the media debated by pundits.
Deadly Cuts: The distance between the government and the people that elect it into power is too wide, O Pally, and will simply get wider.
Yankius: E don slack, nyakpata long, long, long time ago. They have been trying to use alum to wash it, whether it will become elastic again but no show.
Deadly Cuts: You have a dirty mind.
Yankius: Get tat! You cannot condemn Buhari and previous leaders for misruling and mismanaging Nigeria. You want to put it on me?
Deadly Cuts: Sorry.
Yankius: I do not accept apologies with empty mouth. Go and purchase one bottle of Chivas Regal from Mama Nkiru’s supermarket just down the road. Then I will know you are truly serious.
Deadly Cuts: Life! Life! Even to discuss Nigeria matter has become so costly. I will not discuss Nigeria’s matter ever again.
Yankius: Point taken, but buy the Chivas come first.
2 hours later…
Yankius: (Half bottle of the Chivas Regal left) What else is going wrong in the Nigerian government?
Deadly Cuts: If you are seeking another bottle of Chivas, you won’t get it from me. Ogbudi.
All Guys Dey!