Yankius on The National Cake

Windfall: Yankiokwa! Yankiokwa!!! Anytime you are this quiet we know you are up to something. How is you, Boss?

Yankius: Windokwa! The Windfall maker himself! Your potbelly has dwindled seriously. Is everything okay?

Windfall: Leave my stomach alone. I am curious. That bakery where the National Cake is being baked does still exist?

Yankius: The National Cake is crude oil. It still exists only nobody really wants it anymore. At least not for now.

Windfall: How can crude oil be the National Cake? Crude oil is a fossil fuel. Why do you have to be figurative about everything? Can you not just call cake what it is?

Yankius: In that case I will not talk any further about the National Cake.

Windfall: Yankiokwa, cool down well well O! Why do you get offended so easily? Everyone knows crude oil money is the National Cake. Now that crude oil is growing mucor, what else will suffice as the National Cake?

Yankius: Everyone is now talking about farming.

Windfall: Will farming bring enough money into Nigeria though? Our debt burden is wopicious. The price of tonne of cocoa today is now less than it cost in 1968 despite all the inflation in the economy. Meanwhile, can Nigerians really do modern day agriculture. I have never seen a Nigerian run farm survive long unless it is run by non-Africans.

Yankius: Did Nigerians run the oil companies in Nigeria?

Windfall: No. Not really. Nigerians were simply local contents who were glorified secretaries for decisions made at the oil companies headquarters in mother nations.

Yankius: When Nigerians turn to agriculture, it will be run by the Chinese, Indians, Bangladeshis, White South Africans / Zimbabweans, Malaysians and Brazilians.

Windfall: Chill man!!! Why exaggerate like that?

Yankius: The lands have already been grabbed by these people. Nigeria already owes too much money and still begging. Nigeria does not have the technology or materials to make agribusiness big. What is stopping Oyibos and Orientals from taking over the New Nation Cake? All they need do is a little arm twisting.

Windfall: How about solid minerals?

Yankius: Leave that for the Chinese, I beg you. It is now theirs. (Yankius stares at Windfall’s travel bag) What is in your bag?

Windfall: Two bottles of Johnnie Walker Black Label. My friend bought them as a gift for me from America.

Yankius: You have brought National cake to this house.

Windfall: You can have one bottle.

Yankius: I was only joking. (Picks up a bottle from the side of his armchair). This is Talisker single malt. Let us drink this.

Windfall: Please have one of the Black Labels.

Yankius: Okay, thank you very much. But remember this may be the last era of carefree whisky drinking in Nigeria. We may soon have to drink only goscolene a.k.a. ogogoro.

ECA: That will be a good agribusiness. I am willing to invest in it. What business are you looking to invest in?

Yankius: The export of human hair. That too is agribusiness.

 

All Guys Dey!

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