Yankius: Warri Refinery Magic

Yankius: Warri Refinery Magic

Kerosine Mango: Yankius ma men! Happy New Year my brother. This year shall be sweet. Go and mark it down somewhere.

Yankius: O Kerose! Happy New Year to you and your family. Me I want a sweet year too; I won’t lie to you.

Kerosine Mango: Good things have come back to Urhoboland.

Yankius: What is that?

Kerosine Mango: President Tinubu has reopened Ekpan Refinery and it has started production.

Yankius: Are you serious?

Kerosine Mango: Yes, I would have thought you had heard by now.

Yankius: I don’t hear everything.

Kerosine Mango: President Tinubu has rescued Nigeria at last. Baba God I thank you O!

Yankius starts laughing to the point he falls to the ground with excessive laughter. Only some serious chocking curbs his mirth.

Kerosine Mango: Why are you laughing like you took laughing gas?

Yankius: You and people like you make me laugh.

Kerosine Mango: Why is that?

Yankius: Because you and millions of others are overly impressed by any little gimmick you hear.

Kerosine Mango: Are you saying the revival of the refinery is a lie?

Yankius: The revival of the refinery is a magic show for Tinubu to cover his face.

Kerosine Mango: How could you possibly think that.

Yankius: Nigeria can no longer take loans to build big projects because it owes far more than it can pay back. No one will lend to her. Imagine that she can no longer even borrow to import fuel despite the removal of the oil subsidy. Nigeria is broke.

Kerosine Mango: If Nigeria is broke how come the president could restore the refinery?

Yankius: That’s the hunger chasing Nigerians like an avenging angel. Things cost, things cost, it is all robbing Peter to pay Paul by stealth.

Kerosine Mango: Do you mean vicious cuts in public spending, crippling hidden taxes, high import duties, deliberate inflation is what funds any federal projects now?

Yankius: Onekindishly. You know how it is when your sandals have been to the shoe repairer so many times it stops looking like sandals. But because your parents cannot afford new ones you must continue wearing it since it is better than going barefooted or borrowing shoes to go to church.

Kerosine Mango: Meaning?

Yankius: Nigeria has no choice. Let’s wait and see how long it will take for the archaic refinery to pack up again. Warri Refinery Magic is the more you look the less you see.

Kerosine Mango: Do you wish Nigeria well at all?

Yankius: I wish Nigeria new and good things especially now it is New Year.

Kerosine Mango: If what you are saying is true the president has taken us for a ride.

Yankius: Asses have no other function than to provide rides and bear burdens.

A brief flash of anger crosses Kerosine Mango’s face but disappears fast.

Kerosine Mango: We are supposed to be a democracy you know. It is time…

Yankius: Fela was wise when he said democracy is the demonstration of craze.

Kerosine Mango: What if Fela was wrong?

Yankius: I am still looking for one single thing Fela said that was wrong. I will pay you $200 if you can show me just one.

Kerosine Mango: Well, what can I say? Let us at least be grateful for the refinery.

Yankius: People want affordable food first. Hunger dey O!

Kerosine Mango: Will affordable fuel not translate into affordable food?

Yankius: Has the price of fuel come down? In fact, it will rise.

Kerosine Mango: This year will still be a sweet year. I am sure of that.

Yankius: I hope so but sweetness is a thing of the mouth, if there is no food to enter the mouth you get a sour tasting mouth and bad breath.

Kerosine Mango: You self, you too talk.

Yankius: Is it not talk that brought you here? If you want to talk more let’s go to Mama Kelechi’s kiosk. Only Gulder can quench the thirst troubling my throat since you came. You know we are in dry season.

Kerosine Mango: Who will pay?

Yankius: You! If you do not have cash I can stand as surety for any credit you use to buy us beer and pepper soup. Then I will start to see the signs of a sweet year.

Kerosine Mango’s eyes redden and bulge a little while his lips curve downwards. The sweetness of the year is in the drinking. Happy New Year!

 

All Guys Dey