Yankius on The National Cake

Windfall: Yankiokwa! Yankiokwa!!! Anytime you are this quiet we know you are up to something. How is you, Boss?

Yankius: Windokwa! The Windfall maker himself! Your potbelly has dwindled seriously. Is everything okay?

Windfall: Leave my stomach alone. I am curious. That bakery where the National Cake is being baked does still exist?

Yankius: The National Cake is crude oil. It still exists only nobody really wants it anymore. At least not for now.

Windfall: How can crude oil be the National Cake? Crude oil is a fossil fuel. Why do you have to be figurative about everything? Can you not just call cake what it is?

Yankius: In that case I will not talk any further about the National Cake. Continue reading

Yankius on Nigeria’s Looming Collapse

Deadly Cuts: O Pally, I am so scared for Nigeria at the moment. It is more than tragic what is happening.

Yankius: Corona virus is…

Deadly Cuts: Who is talking about Covid-19? It was bound to devastate Africa especially Nigeria one day. I was talking about the potential economic and political collapse of Nigeria now that oyel no longer has any value on the global markets. Hungry go wire Nigerians O!

Yankius: Oyel! Ha ha ha! All the trillions of dollars Nigeria made from oyel openly and solid minerals secretly was never treated as anything other the personal “kpoke”.

Deadly Cuts: What is kpoke?

Yankius: Pocket money. Money for luxury housing, luxury cars, private jets, designer clothing, luxury tourism, maintaining girlfriends and concubines, hosting grand parties, spraying obscene amounts of foreign currency. It was all pocket money, kpoke. It was never invested; all investments were funded by loans. Now Nigeria cannot service the over$100 billion it owes. Continue reading

Yankius on If Julian Assange Where Arrested in Nigeria

Dead Speechless: Yankpuzi! How you is? I thought the British were the most civilised people in the world but see how nefariously they treated Julian Assange. Denial of medical treatment, drag-along arrest in the street and a vindictive jail sentence. It was more than barbarous.

Yankius: Lets not talk about Julian Assange. I do not feel like hiding in an embassy at the moment.

Dead Speechless: You are not Julain Assange and you do not run Wikileaks.

Yankius: All the better not to talk about him. Goon! Continue reading

Yankius on Buhari’s Question to Obasanjo on $16 billion for Electricity

Tafia Hallelujah: Yankikpuzi! Way say you now!
Yankius: Any time you come around here, I know you have a quarrel for me. What is it?
Tafia Hallelujah: You didn’t event greet me or ask me how I am doing?
Yankius: Tafia: “Tafia We Thank God”, What is angering you?
Tafia Hallelujah: No be small o. Oga Buhari is asking Obasanjo what he did with the $16 billion that he voted and disbursed for electric power development during his time as president. The question don wound Obasanjo.
Yankius: I no fit laugh o, I no fit laugh at all. Buhari is just looking for someone to blame for his own dreadful failures again. It is true that Obasanjo, Segun Agagu, Liyel Imoke, Charles Soludo, Ngozi Okonjo-Iewala, Oby Ezekwisili and some others know about that $16 billion very well but why is it now that Buhari is raising the matter? The Senate raised the matter three years ago when Buahri just came to power but it died a very natural death. Predictably. Continue reading

Yankius on Senator Omo-Agege ‘s Recent Storm

Jovo Yurip: Yankius, which ones now? Why you no tell me say Senator Ovie Omo-Agege na Pyrate? You bad O!
Yankius: Jovo, look my eye well. Omo-Agege no be Pyrate at all at all. Wetin make you think so to the point say you come my place this hot afternoon come dey accuse me anyhowly?
Jovo Yurip: You never hear? Senator Omo-Agege storm senate chamber for national assembly this afternoon through back-door with 15 men, come carry mace from Ekweremadu hand. Small thing remain Omo-Agege wan head Ekweremadu fall but chance no dey. The guy na real Wafi guy. Continue reading

Yankius on the Sweetness of Sex

Yankius: Heeeyyy!!! Prickson, himself! The Sexual Man! Expert on Practical Urology! How you doing, Brother? You look so happy, man! Another sweet honey don confuse you?
Prickly Heat: I just tested HIV negative. The test was requested for the new job I will start in the Middle East. I was really scared but I have come out all okay. God is great. Continue reading

Yankius on the Ogboni Society

Alagba Aligbi: Yankiomelogbish! How now? You self na hard man O! Person no dey see your headlight again. Are you okay?

Yankius: Gba Gbi,nothing do me. Anytime I see you na something you find come. Can I help you?

Alagba Aligbi: I been dey go my father-in-law 60tth birthday, I just branch to see you. The man has tried for me. Ehe! You dey Ogbons?

Yankius: Wetin be Ogbons? Continue reading

Yankius on Iyabo Obasanjo’s Ambition to Be President

Natural Injection: O mi Yankius, which ones? I know say you go don dissect the open letter when Obasanjo send to President Buhari. What’s your opinion on the matter?
Yankius: I did not and will never read it.
Natural Injection: Really, why? You normally read everything. Wetin dey pepper you inside?
Yankius: When Obasanjo was president of Nigeria, if anyone voiced criticism of him he simply to them dokuously to “Shut Up!” then head up.
Natural Injection: Okay, that’s true. You read the letter when his own daughter, Iyabo, write take call her Papa hypocrite because of him open letter to Buhari?
Yankius: Yesio, I don dissect the letter with many different styles.You self go like. But na ancient news. Continue reading

Yankius on Buhari’s Betrayal of Southern Nigerians

Yankius: Shukus, what’s gwan? Why you squeeze face like corner of anus when diarrhoea don distress small?

Shukuli: You rap shit always so no surprise in your welcome, ode. Just see how Buhari betray Southern Nigerians internationally. Can you image? Buhari serious tell the World Bank make them develop Northern Nigeria leave South behind. Meanwhile, Southerners dey support Buhari like dense slaves. Southerners are born fools, you know. Continue reading

Yankius on Buhari vs IPOB

Pepper Rest: I just wonder why Buhari go brand IPOB as terrorist organisation when they no do any terror, not even a single act. IPOB are even the victims of continuous state terror. I am sure Buhari is running scared and desperate, that’s why resorted to such low tactics. Continue reading

Yankius on Deziani’s Whereabouts

Snap Fingers

Pepper Rest: I see Deziani for Ikoyi this afternoon with Lukman Rilwanu. As eh, Deziani na fine woman O! The charges against her na true?

Yankius: Na Lekki I see her this afternoon with Doyin Okupe. She don escape from London since yesterday. She dress up like man escape through Heathrow Airport to come Nigeria, last flight. Them dey find am for London as we dey talk so.

Pepper Rest: Na wa for your gist O! Yankius! Where you for dey get your information on all these politicians self?

Yankius: Come bet whether I go ever answer your question again! If because you like thief them you dey come test me na racks you dey find be that.

All Guys Dey

Yankius on Saraki’s Buying of Prayers

Snap Fingers

Pepper Rest: Any guy when wan cut sore for him body, I go cut sore for him body. Any guy when wan pull teeth, I go pull him teeth. Any guy when wan pervert creation, creation go pervert am. Any guy wan deceive God, God go deceive am. Any guy when wan…

Yankius: Pepper, who don make you vex like this? Wetin happen? Take am easy now. Na Orubebe don dey misbehave again?

Pepper Rest: Na “Baby Doc” Saraki don come hire the Imam when dey lead our mosque for over two weeks now. All the prayer e dey do for us no dey get effect again since e go work for Saraki.

Yankius: So you no know say when a man acquire spiritual power the only thing he dey take am do na to make money? You really funny! God don bless your Imam well well O!

All Guys Dey

Yankius on APC Gubernatorial primaries

Snap Fingers

Pepper Rest: You never hear! Timi wound well well for this All Progressives Congress primaries for Rivers abi Bayelsa State Gubernatorial candidate. Timpre wound Timi O! Timpre 726 votes, Timi 4 votes. Apalan!

Yankius: Why e dey surprise you? Na only thief Timi sabi thief now, everybody know that one but e no be politician at all. If you give Timi post as Governor of CBN Nigeria go amass debt of trillions of dollars just now just now.

Pepper Rest: Rumour monger! You get the proof to support wetin you dey talk so? If na true say na so so thief naim Timi dey thief why EFCC or ICPC never prosecute am?

Yankius: Pepper, e be like say you go carry that complain go give Buhari personally because thiefmen don cancel the primaries. The money Timi, Timpre and others settle no reach. If them no spend cash well the second time them go redo a third time till APC Babas them belle full. You never hear!

All Guys Dey

Yankius on Stealing by Messages

Snap Fingers

Pepper Rest: O Boy, I just love intelligent men. The kind intelligence I don start to regard the most na the one when a man go dey use thieves to take get whatever he want for life without having to steal himself.

Yankius: If na Buhari matter you wan take start this evening na nasty violence you dey find be that O! You hear me me so!

Pepper Rest: Shoo! No be President Buhari I been dey refer to O! Na gist of Wole Soyinka naim I be wan gave you.

Yankius: Madam give Pepper two big Orijin and one full nkwobi on my account. Sorry, Pepper as you were saying…

All Guys Dey 

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